Did you ever wonder How to improve self-esteem and accomplish your goals? I certainly did. Since a very young age, I struggled with low self-esteem. This has negatively impacted my life in so many ways.
Because I didn’t believe I was good at anything I wouldn’t try out for things as a kid. I had an interest in drama but I would not try out for that school play.
I was interested in sports yet I wouldn’t try out for the team.
This carried through to my adult life and I wouldn’t take any chances and try to get ahead. I would just keep plugging away at whatever was familiar. I was also afraid of failure because what would others say or talk about me if I failed at it.
Oh, I wanted to improve, be better, achieve more but I didn’t believe I was worthy of that success.
Check out how Wikipedia describes “Self Esteem”…
(1) Self-esteem is an individual’s subjective evaluation of their worth. Self-esteem encompasses beliefs about oneself (for example, “I am unloved”, “I am worthy”) as well as emotional states, such as triumph, despair, pride, and shame.
(2) Smith and Mackie (2007) defined it by saying “The self-concept is what we think about the self; self-esteem, is the positive or negative evaluations of the self, as in how we feel about it.”
How about you, do you or did you also struggle with low self-esteem.
I think it is well pastime to change that. Let’s see what we can do to build better self-esteem that will allow us to build a brighter future for ourselves.
Table of Contents
Be Kind to Yourself
We all have that inner voice that lets us know when we are on track or not. It is much more powerful than we realized.
Those of us who suffer from low self-esteem tend to be hard on ourselves.
It can be shocking the way we put ourselves down so brutally. I am sure you know what I am talking about.
I wouldn’t talk to my spouse or children that way so why do I talk to myself that way. I need to learn to be kinder to me and talk gentler.
I know this will take time but with practice, It will get easier.
Start by noticing your self-talk, then work on changing those words to a kinder, gentler form of self-talk.
Stay True to You
Each of us is unique and are interested in or good at different things.
We each have things we are good at and need to celebrate those things about ourselves.
No good ever comes from comparing ourselves to others and berating ourselves when we fall short on what they are good at.
Albert Einstein said, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
Find what interests you and do that. Stay true to who you are, don’t try to be someone else.
Be Active
Physical exercise is a real mood booster.
When I notice I am getting frustrated when working, taking a break and getting outside for a short walk helps clear my head and helps me feel much better.
Exercise is a great way to practice setting goals and building confidence.
Working up a sweat tells the body to release endorphins (feel-good hormones).
You don’t always have to work up a sweat, a short 15-minute walk will help boost the mood.
You also don’t need a lot of overpriced, heavy, complicated equipment clogging up your home…
… check out my article on How To Exercise At Home Without Any Equipment.
Try it, you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
Nobody’s Perfect
Striving to improve is healthy and motivating. Remember that we are only human and perfection is unattainable.
Stop expecting perfection from yourself. Go ahead and work on improvements but allow yourself to be human.
I struggled with this in school and as a result, I would fail to pass in papers because “they were not perfect yet”. This didn’t work so well as I would end up with a 0 because you need to pass in the paper to get a grade.
I have learned that things can be good enough and that good enough can be great.
Mistakes are How we Learn
The funny thing about us humans is that we need to make mistakes to learn and grow as individuals.
If we aren’t making mistakes then we are stagnating.
We need to accept the fact that error is to simply be human.
It is time to stop berating ourselves for making a mistake and just simply look for the lesson.
Don’t put our self down for the error, simply state “Well that didn’t work, now what can I try“.
That is a much more productive form of self-talk than the usual putting our self down.
In this way, we can learn and grow and become a better version of our self.
Find What Makes You Happy
We are unique individuals and different things make us happy.
I love time with my family, outdoor adventures such as hiking, sailing, canoeing, bicycling and going for a motorcycle ride with my husband. I also really enjoy time spent mucking around in my gardens.
My daughter is not too big on outdoor stuff, she prefers to curl up with a great book.
That is cool.
The point is we each have the things that make us happy.
Find yours and spend more time doing that.
It’s All About the Little Things
Celebrate the little things in life.
You got up on time this morning, you made a fantastic omelet for breakfast.
These might seem insignificant but it is by celebrating these small wins that build confidence and helps you feel better about yourself.
Why not begin each day by taking a moment, before you’re even out of bed and think of the things you are thankful for. I’ll bet there are lots of them.
Beginning your day with a gratitude moment sets your mind in a positive direction because a lot of what you are thankful for is little success.
For example, you chose your spouse as a life partner, so be thankful for your spouse. Be thankful for your kids, your house, after all, you picked it.
You see how every little thing is an accomplishment to celebrate.
Sound too foolish or not important?
Try talking to someone that don’t have those things you have, especially if they believe they can never have them.
Become Your Own BFF
Learn to spend time with yourself being kind and treating yourself to the things that make you feel good. Take a bubble bath with a glass of wine and listen to your favourite music while soaking away the day’s stresses.
Take your self out for a lunch date and check out that new bistro down the street.
Appreciate yourself and become your own best friend.
You can be a better spouse, parent, or friend if you first learn to be friends with yourself.
Build Your Support Team
We all need a support team.
These are the people who make us feel better when we are having a bad day and can’t seem to lift our spirits.
Spend time with people who make you feel good about yourself and try to minimize the time spent with people who trigger negative thinking.
The more time we spend around the positive influencers the better we will start to feel.
Try Something New
Trying something new challenges you to step outside your comfort zone and learn a new skill, this raises your opinion of yourself.
You can be proud of trying that new thing whether you were great at it.
Appreciate the fact that you tried something new rather than not doing anything.
Make it a habit to regularly step out of your comfort zone. Don’t hold on to expectations, just try something new.
Then later you can try it again and again and you will improve your skills.
Yes, new things feel scary or uncomfortable, don’t beat yourself up for this. Just take baby steps and gently encourage yourself to keep trying new things.
Final Thoughts
It takes time to learn to think positively and develop healthier lifestyle strategies.
Don’t expect overnight results. With practice and patience, you will learn to be kind to yourself and this will increase your sense of self-worth.
The more you challenge your thoughts and change your self talk the greater joy and appreciation you will find in yourself and your abilities.
In time, you will feel proud of how far you have come and perhaps for the first time, you will look forward to the future.
I know I am looking forward to my future.
Thanks for reading my article, please feel free to share your tips in the comment section below.
Deborah
Hi Rick,
This is a very important article for absolutely everybody, and I hope many people come across this article. For many years, I thought loving yourself was being “big headed” and looked bad to other people. I was more interested in what others thought about me, than what I thought about me.
But now, I know how important it is to love yourself, take care of yourself, and also to help others learn how to love themselves too.
Thank you for sharing and keep up the great work.
All the best,
Tom
That is so true Tom, I remember myself thinking that it’s selfish and weird to love oneself for some reason and I don’t even know why I thought that. As the saying goes you can’t love someone else until you love your self first. I think it takes most of us a long time to learn to love ourselves, accept mistakes as a learning lesson, and just be kind to one self. Too many beat themselves up over little things. Thanks Tom for your supportive words and encouragement to others.
Thanks for dropping by and leaving a few words,
Take care my friend
Rick
Hello. What a great read. It is so true what you say ” be kind to yourself “. Many forget about that. Thank you for sharing
I am so glad you enjoyed my article Felicity and you are very welcome. Yes, just the simple act of being kind to your self is not always at the top of our list through out a busy day. It’s more important then most of us actually realize.
Thanks for taking interest in my post Felicity, it means a lot to me.
Rick
This is an excellent article that was very well written and easy to follow.
I’ve done a lot research over the last few years for myself on personal development and how to improve self esteem. Most of the common themes I’ve read or heard you’ve gone over in this article.
To highlight one, physical fitness i think is a major one. You release chemicals that induce a “good feeling” and over time the improvements in your body will add some confidence and a sense of accomplishment.
Thanks for the article and the work you do!
Yes, all of my posts I write about I gained through personal experience and extensive research. The information is by no means new however still quite effective even today. I agree physical fitness is a major mood booster because of the release of chemicals within our body.
Thank you for leaving your comment Lee,
Cheers
Rick
I found that working on my site is a great booster for me.
I made myself a posting routine and I stick to it like my life depends on it.
Before this, I didn’t have any direction. Might be boring, but it works for me.
Great post.
Thanks,
Michael.
Yes for sure, having something of interest to focus on makes it real easy to improve your self Esteem and if you have a website that make money for you, that’s a big motivator for sure. The important thing is to have something you are interest in and go with that but sometimes I find that I get bored with the same thing when it gets easy and I want to take on a new challenge. Forcing one self to stick with something is a real hard thing to do for some but the rewards are worth it in the end.
Thanks for your comment Michael,
Rick